Jonbar's Screen Burn.

The job hunt is going ok. I've got applications for jobs with the GSCC (insert miss use of acronym here) for two different positions, the first being the rather plain and boring sounding "Registration Assistant" and the second, more exciting sounding one, "Enquiries Officer". Well i think it sounds cool as the job title has the word officer in it and implies to me that i'll get issued with a long coat and a kick ass hat. The other applications are for the position of in the foreign exchange desks of the local First Choice Travel Agents and the Co-op Travel Agents which both have the massive bonus of being partitioned off from the rest of the woefully over fake tanned staff and the general public by bullet proof glass. My final application is for a temp role at Brantano's.



I finally got round to watching the first episode of Dirty Sexy Money which is currently gracing our screens on Channel 4. It isn't bad folks. It isn't great either, but it does have its moments. It also has Donald Sutherland in the main line up which can only ever be a major bonus and no doubt put the shows investors at ease. The story so far goes along the lines of: Man is son of a man who was the family lawyer of a rich American family. Man doesn't like his upbringing that much. Man's father dies, man goes to funeral, promises wife he'd never want anything to do with rich family again. Man takes job a rich family's new lawyer. (Yes his opinion is turned round VERY quickly without any real explanation on the part of the writers, i guess they hoped we'd just go along with it.) Man discovers that his father's plane crash might not have been a accident and that one of the members of the rich family probably did it. Let the games begin. For the record if it turns out to be Donald Sutherland i want to say now that i fucking called it.



And now some messages to the advertisement industry. Stop it with the oh look how clever we are we've made a glorified domino rally or cleverly used all the bits of the product somehow trend that seems to be their fall back position these days. Guinness i'm especially looking at you. Ok the Honda one was very good, but remember they were also the first ones to do it and as such have the right to continue with that sort of thing. Ford, i don't care how many times you say so, you did not make a violin out of a windscreen wiper! Guinness, what the hell does all that have to do with selling Stout anyway? You had a good form going with your previous offerings (also admitted having very little to do with the product, other that the fact that Guinness is black and white), you do not have to copy Honda. Oh and Sony, we love the rabbits, keep it up!



Right now the TV schedulers! Ok guys, we have almost bugger all on during the week because some witless bastard thought it'd be funny to put things on only during the weekend and Friday night. Now i know i don't have anything else to do with my time at the moment, but a lot of other people do and it can only be reasonable to assume that this is hurting viewing figures. Why the hell is ER on on Saturday evening?! Put it back to a mid week slot! That goes for Torchwood as well! Oh and can the BBC please stop wasting the licence fee on "Damages". You put it on late on Friday night, it isn't very good and no one i know of is watching it, get rid.



My highlight of the week. Friday's episode of Torchwood, purely because it proved i was in the right place when i visited Cardiff the other week! Woop!

Now call me a geek and go and do something worthwhile!

I know, no pictures. I've been quite busy recently and thus the blog is suffering (i'm as surprised as you are, fancy that, me with things to do!)

Overqualified + Under Experienced = Unemployed.

At school they tell you that if you do your work and get your grades you will be rewarded with being able to get onto the next level of qualifications - GCSEs, AS-Levels, A-Levels Degree. All the while you are pretty much promised that employers will value your qualifications and that if your lucky enough to go on to do a degree and obtain this most hallowed of educational pieces of paper it will unlock the gates to the upper levels of the employment sector. This is beyond doubt a lie. A false statement. A fabrication. As what they dont tell you is that the previous generation have pretty much pulled up the ladder and bolted that proverbial loft door shut behind them. Sure 30 to 40 years ago they would have welcomed pretty much any one with a degree or even those without into the junior ranks with open arms. No longer. Companies for the most part seem to see people in two ways. Either you have all the highest grades, or you have plenty of work experience. If you are Jonathan "call me Mr Average" Deller, they dont want to know.

It is an demoralising experience but, and you'll have to excuse a moment of incredible arrogance and self inflated worth here, at least i'll be able to get jobs that you would consider me overqualified for right?

Well actually no. On Friday i showed up for an interview at Waterstone's in Northampton for a part time job on the shop floor. The interview went well, very well. In fact if this is how i can do all of my interviews from now on, this is how i would conduct them. The manager was a very pleasant woman who seemed to be nodding a lot of my answers and was making all the right noises, if you excuse me use of that awful expression. I went home happy. Happier than i've been for quite a while. To top it all she was even going to let me know if i'd got the job the following Monday. Fantastic! I waited all day for the call, then around 5pm she called to tell me that although i'd been shortlisted i had not got the job. However, she said, if any permanent positions came up she'd be in contact immediately. Now is it me or is that a very mixed message to send someone? Yes we liked you, but sorry we only interested if it for a position at a higher grade than the one you applied for. It has put my self worth at an all time low as it is basically saying, sorry but despite all that work you did bothering to get a degree and all i still dont want to give you a job you could have applied for when you were 16.

The lesson we can take from this? Just because an interview goes really well doesn't mean you'll get the job.

Right, sorry for the vent but i needed that. Dont worry soon i'll be back to my usual happy go luck badger riding self!

Next Week: Something more amusing, i promise.

Everything you wanted to know about Airsoft but were too scared to ask.

This week i'm busy with taking Clare to her Cardiff audition. (Here's to hoping they notice me lurking in the background and launch me on a glittering film career!) So while i'm away doing that i've prepared a little guide so that people can finally stop asking me: "Jon you irregular pronoun, what in the wide WIDE world of sports is Airsoft?"

May i present to you: Jonbar's Definitive Guide To Airsoft.

First a bit of background. Airsoft originated in Japan, and as with many things that come out of Japan it is firstly over priced but secondly, and for me most importantly is actually rather fun! It was put forward as an alternative to paintballing and both "sports" (and i use the term loosely, you'll see why later on), have much in common. The First thing they have in common is that they are both based on simulated warfare, usually enacted between two separate teams "fighting" each other over various objectives. Where they differ is that with paintball you are equipped with a paintball gun which shoots fairly large circular ammunition via use of a glorified gas piston over a distance varying in my experience between 20-40 Meters. Or about as far as you could throw the thing. When they hit something the fragment on impact and leave it covered in a small blotch of paint. In Airsoft the standard "gun" uses a glorified electrically powered air piston to fire a small solid plastic ball or BB distances of about 50-70 Meters (though this varies greatly). Airsoft weapons are all almost exclusively modelled to look exactly like real fire arms. Paintball guns are not. If you've never held the real thing you won't no any better.

So the "guns" then. Well you can basically have a go with most weapons you've seen in almost every action movie or computer game and their grandmothers. Oh yes they are all here from your terrorist's (or freedom fighter's, its all subjective you know!) favourite the Ak-47 to the Mp5's of Die Hard fame or even the G36ks you see our humble but heavily armed policemen carry around at airports. Bear in mind however that most sites will be hiring out their collections of "hire guns", (thats airsoft slang for sometimes rather battered and unreliable things they give out to people who dont have their own gear) which almost exclusively consists of the following: Ak47's, Ak47 SPETZNAZ's, Mp5's of varying types, G3's (you'll have seen various Africans running around with them on the news) and maybe the odd M4. You'll also get what is known as a "high cap". No dont get excited, you wont be getting a sweet ass top hat to wear as you charge heroically through the bushes, what you've just been handed is, for no better descriptive word the guns magazine. It slots into the gun usually where a real magazine would fit into the real gun and operates a gear system to fee BBs into your gun. To do this to locate the gear winder at the bottom of the magazine and wind it until you hear a "click", and then make it "click" some more just to be on the safe side.

Airsoft sites. These vary enormously in both the costs of going to them to their quality. Bear in mind that prices does not necessarily denote the quality of the experience you'll get at differing sites. Some sites will quite happily charge you the best part of £40 for substandard guns that dont work most of the time, no camo hire and woeful eye protection that mists up every 30 seconds leaving you suck in the middle of an intense fire fight blind and with a gun that doesn't work. Others will give you the whole lot and guns that do work rather well because they've had the decency to realise that if they are going to charge rather a lot for the privilege maybe you'd like to be more than just a moving target for the sites regulars. One such excellent site is Phoenix Airsoft Adventures in Nottinghamshire, another would be the rather the splendid Ground Zero Airsoft in Hampshire. One to avoid (sorry guys but your hire equipment was WOEFUL) is Close Action Airsoft in Northamptonshire. The terrain at each site is different but they all usually consist of varying woodland with most having constructed some fortifications and other features over which teams can play take and hold, capture the flag etc... There are some Urban sites now in this country however i've yet to experience one of these. Think buildings instead of trees and you've got the right idea for those sites.

Airsoft Players. For the most part these are a like able enough bunch. However there are several types of player to watch out for if you want to tick off your spotting guide:

The Hire Gun. Everyday folk like you and me. They dont have their own gear, like you and me. Infact if you come along to one of my airsoft day events then they probably will be you and me.

The Fat Bastard. Not just fat, REALLY MASSIVE! They tend to waddle off to site behind a trees for the whole day. They wont try to take objectives, their aim for the most part of truly awful and you probably wont notice if they have a heart attack as their breathing patterns are already on the dangerous side.

The Wannabe. With out doubt the most entertaining airsoft players around, to a point. They take the games far to seriously and think they are in a real war. They will own all their own kit, including fake bayonet. They might even go around wearing the insignia of real special forces units. The amounts of money they spend on their hobby is in the £1000's. The best way to piss them off is to pick them off with your hire gun in jeans and t-shirt.

The sniper. Almost every airsoft player and their dog owns a sniper rifle these days. The ones to watch out for are the ones that can aim. Luckily most budding sharp shooters and neither very sharp or good at shooting.

The super sniper. See that guy over there dressed as a sort of green wookie? Thats him. And that suit probably cost him £100+. Show him how stupid that purchase was. Whenever you spot him in the field, point and yell: "that bush has a gun!" and direct your entire team to fire at him.

The Marshall. Not so much a player really as Airsofts answer to a referee. Any problems, go and see him or her and they can sort it out for you. Baiting the ref is ill advised.

What to do when you are "hit". In wars people get hit by bullets, in paintball you get hit by paintballs and in airsoft you get hit by BBs. In any of these circumstances you are effectively out of the fighting. Being hit by a bullet needs no explanation. With paintballing it is easy enough to spot if you've been hit, ie the paint. However airsoft requires a certain amount of honesty on the part of the players participating. I know its a disturbing and unfamiliar sensation, being honest and trusts other people, mostly likely ones you've never met to do the same, but for the most part it works. Airsoft sites and players take a very dim view of "cheaters" and bans from that site can occur to those repeating the offense. All in all it is in the best interest of all concerned not to cheat as a fair airsoft match is fun for all the family. The rules for what to do varies from site to site and sometimes from game to game. Most commonly you'll have to go to a "safe" or "dead" zone for either a predetermined amount of time or for the rest of the game.

Prices. Most sites will charge you between £25 and £40 for a day out with which you'll get a gun (which may or may not work properly - the signs of truly great and truly bad sites), camo gear (usually), ammo (amounts vary), eye / face protection (get the wire mesh ones for your own sake as they cant steam up) and cover on the sites insurance policy (woop!). If you want to buy your own gear, camos can be bought from various places at varying prices from E-bay to Army surplus stores. (Try not to buy camos from the army that have blood or bullet holes in them.) The airsoft guns themselves cost upwards of about £100 (shocking isn't it) and due to the Crime Reduction Bill of last October you now have to be a member of a site that is apart of the UKARA (United Kingdom Airsoft Rifle Association) to be able to legally purchase one. This will require you to visit a site to play 3 times in 2 months at most sites and require you to pay for site membership (which varies greatly). All airsoft retailers require UKARA proof of membership before purchase. Unless you want an attractive "two tone" gun. These come in bright green and orange and although i think they look awesome in their stand out from the crowd colouration, they are generally looked on disparagingly by most regular airsoft players. (But then what the fuck do they know, bunch of soldier wannabes to a man that they are.)

Well i hope that was a good starter guide to those of you that wanted to know what airsoft was but were frankly too scared to ask.

Next Week: An interview at Waterstones.

Blarg...

I have Tonsillitis. Again. But this has given me the option to go and have these disfunctional and cratered little puss bags (my tonsils really do have craters in them, thats how many times i've had this particular hum dinger of an illness), removed. Thus to hospital i will eventually go to catch MRSA or die of "complications" during a routine operation. What it also means is that i'm in no fit state to put up a decent post or make the accociated pictures so your just going to have to put up with this snipet from Milkround.com

Employers place unrealistic demands on fresh graduates

by Mike Barnard on 7th March 2008

Firsts and 2:1s are unfairly used to benchmark graduates when they apply for jobs.
It is claimed those with anything less than a 2:1 face an uphill struggle to be called for interview as employers look at grades first when choosing potential candidates.
The Association of Graduate Careers Advisory Services (AGCAS) reveals the findings in its Winter Review 2008, claiming employers will discard graduates with lesser qualifications.
It adds this is causing a recruitment shortfall as graduates without a first or 2:1 are ideal candidates for the jobs available, but they are being automatically discarded.
Elspeth Farrar, of the AGCAS, claims companies are placing unrealistic demands on graduates. She said: “There has been a major shift in what companies expect graduates to come out of university with and how prepared [for work] they expect them to be. In the past, employers were more prepared to take the time to train new workers themselves, but the assumption increasingly seems to be that this is the responsibility of universities.

"It seems now that companies are expecting students to come out of university work ready.”

........

At least someone else has noticed this then eh? Let this be a warning to all you lot still studying...your doomed! (Unless your a medic, engineer, accountant, maths person or one of those other lucky bastards who does a degree that really does put you straight into a job.)

On the plus side my parents brought me a Solero back from their trip to the village shop.

They also bought me some Tea Cakes!

Moving forward. Or is it back?

You'll be getting a full post tomorrow. I know, what can i possibly be doing with my time?! The only explaination i can think of is that i must be in some sort of temporal distortion or something because one minute Thought For The Day is banging on about how we should all be nicer to each other and before i know it is the six o'clock news is telling me how pretty much everyone has failed to do this.


Tomorrow then: The Juno film review and other stuff.

(Which is BELOW this post because blogger puts things in date order and i saved the original draft before making this "filler post".)