Summer time

It seems that at the moment almost everyone this summer is off doing exciting things. One of my friends is off exploring the African continent and climbing mountains, my cousin is learning to fly in New Zealand and even my sister gets to go to Scarborough followed by a trip to study the wildlife of the Savannah. Karma seems to hate me though (well Clare too as she is stuck with me, poor girl), as my great summer expedition was to Dantre hospital followed by a few weeks of lying around at home suffering. Right, now all the self pity is out of the way onto the post!

I keep promising a post all about Battlefield 2, however to do so i need to play the game a bit more than i have recently, ie: more than not at all. Thus i'm again putting it back at least a couple of weeks and so probably building it up as one of the most delayed blog post of all time. Try to think of it as a train trying to get to your station where the engineering works they keep apologising for over the announcement system consists of lying the track.

So the Olympics then. I not sure what it is, but i can never get truly excited about pretty much anything in the Olympics. I do enjoy watching it, however it lacks the anticipation factor of other great sporting events. Plus some of the events are quite clearly none-sports! *Cough* Dressage *Cough* I think it is my lack of understanding of the scoring system in a lot of them that turns me off them. Maybe the BBC should do a "Everything you wanted to know about the Olympics but were to scared to ask" feature. It would certainly increase my interest. Well apart from the heat stages in most of the running events and again with Dressage, which as we all know doesn't actually have a scoring system. I also think that the Olympics should bring in a more "international sports day" feel. Lets drop some of the endless number of different boating events in favour of a mums and dads race, the egg and spoon and sack race. Now they would draw the crowds!

The main problem i have with trying to write anything for this blog is that i come up with great stuff to write about all the time, however as soon as i get on here and typing i forget all of it. Thus i'm am going to attempt a brand new technique for getting at least some of this down. I like to call it, a note pad. As i type some of the elements of the Battlefield 2 post (try not to gasp too loudly), are currently sitting on my desk. I say sitting on my desk, they are in fact buried under several feet of other detritus. Luckily i have a degree in History and Archeology so i'll be able to dig down to find it and then give a full historical account.

Now i'm off to give Medieval 2 a go! As i just found out my PC can in fact run it and the internet security software's subscription ran out making the internet a dark and scary place.

Having Your Tonsils Removed.

You'd think that over the past couple of weeks i would have found the time, as i said i would, to put up "a few half decent postings up". This has not happened and i'll tell you why; Having your tonsils removed is more draining then i ever thought i would be. (Yeah i know, what a wuss!) It has been nearly 4 weeks to the day since the operation and despite still feeling pretty awful a lot of the time, i am going back to work tomorrow. To be honest it'll be quite nice to get out of the house and be doing something, however with even writing this post is still mentally taxing enough to make me stop for a break every so often, i'm not sure exactly how efficient i'll actually be. Anyway, we'll find out tomorrow i guess. Right, enough of this self-pity! Lets talk post-op!

Daventry hospital is fantastic. Most of it looks brand new, it is spotless and the staff are all brilliant! If i ever have the option i'll take it over any other hospital hands down. It really is that good. My operation went swimmingly, so i was told by the surgeons any way and my first experience of general anesthetic was a positive one. Two breaths in and i was out like a light. I woke up, an unknown amount of time later gasping for water, which i wasn't allowed for what seemed like hours. I ended up, instead of sleeping as most people around me seemed to be doing, sitting up and reading the current Sharpe novel i have pilfered from Clare's house. I was also confronted with a small samples container in which were my tonsils! I had asked if i could keep them before the operation and although this is no-longer allowed, they had saved them for me to have a look at before they took them away. Nice touch i thought. Apparently i was recovering very quickly from the anesthesia and so i was put in a patient lounge after a little while. I was also given a egg-mayo sandwich and told that until i ate it up i wouldn't be allowed to leave. It was a bit of a challenge, however the affects of a local anesthetic they gave me during the operation hadn't faded yet so for an on-cour i asked if they had any other sandwiches on offer as i was a glutton for suffering and surprisingly hungry. Clare came along to pick me up however we ended up hanging around for another 2 hours or so because i had the heart rate of a small mouse which the nursing staff were a bit concerned about and couldn't find the cause of. Personally i think it was probably the excitement of watching Neighbours while connected to a heart monitor. The next week was spent with the most delightful affects of codeine based pain killers (thats an opiate based drug don't you know). Small walks out into the garden were the highlight of my day as the world became a warm and incredibly vibrant place, some flowers quite literally glowing before my eyes. Apparently i was quite entertaining to all who were around to witness. Coming off those is when the real pain started as while on the codeine things do hurt, but you just don't care a whole lot about it. It was like a bad bout of tonsillitis but thankfully without the fever. It is during this time that you learn the following:

Ten things you should know about having your Tonsils removed.

1) Pasta shapes, or rather the sauce they come in is like pouring liquid fire down your throat. Stick to things that have zero spice and very little tomato in.

2) Co-Coldamole = Opium Highs :-)

3) Chewing gum becomes reclassified as medicinal and you end up getting through more of it than Alex Fergison during an entire football season.

4) They deliberately give you MASSIVE tablets to take because all doctors are in fact masochists.

5) Scrambled eggs and ice cream are your best friends.

6) Water can and will hurt you. However it will take on entirely new depths of flavour.

7) Playing scrabble while on Co-Coldamole is incredibly hard!

8) You end up watching the equivalent of an entire Blockbusters worth of DvDs and television.

9) You are supposed to eat as much hard or rough foods as possible so as to scrape your throat out. So much for weeks on ice cream!

10) Going to sleep is great. However karma will balance itself out and make waking up a truly horrifying experience.


Right. That is about it really. I don't think i am actually ready to go back to work tomorrow, but then as i've already stated i am a sucker for punishment so off i go!
I cant wait for my next operation!

Next Week: Battlefield 2.

18 hours to GO time!

I've been out enjoying life recently. You know, that thing that people take endless pictures of themselves having a good time in so they can put them up in Facebook and show everyone they've ever met how much of a good time they are having. Apart from they aren't really having that good a time as they are too busy taking pictures of themselves having a good time and blah, blah, blah, i just know i've made that little stab before. Actually to say that i've been out enjoying life would only be half right because ever since i signed away my soul to them, the GSCC have been sucking in my time and life force like a black hole. A quite friendly, well paying black hole, but a black hole none the less. However i am now probably boarder line addicted to my role as glorified button pusher and envelope stuffer (that isn't a euphemism for anything) and i do enjoy having a bank account that has real money in it, rather than the couple of rubber bands, a penny and a button from a shirt i don't have anymore, so i cant really complain. Anyway, most of the above accounts for why i haven't been spending my time trying to think up posts to put up on here for the occasional amusement, though mostly the bemusement of its readership. (Which reminds me, i have to get one of those t-shirts with the slogan; "More people have read this than your web blog.")

I am having my tonsils taken out tomorrow. It will be my first ever experience of a general anesthetic and i'm frankly quite looking forward to finding out what it will be like! Clare has "volunteered" to be the person who has to stay around me for 24 hours after the operation just in case i bleed out. It will also be good to get an experience of the NHS first hand for a change and if i get to be under the temporary care of a few hot nurses (unfortunately Clare said no to the nurses uniform), so much the better. As a direct result of this i shall be off from work for a while recovering and as Tim put it, "you'll be getting a sort of summer holiday this year after all." I am looking forward to having a bit of spare time again, especially as i'm getting full pay at the same time. I have stocked up on DvDs (i got Zulu the other day for £3!) and other projects to do while i'm off my feet and i am looking forward to anyone visiting who wants to inquire as to my health. There are a few downsides, but i cant do anything about them so there is no real point in complaining. All in all it should be a decent enough couple of weeks coming up. Either way, as i'll be house bound i should at least be able put up a couple of half decent postings up!


Right, i'm off to make the most of the fact i can eat up until 2am tomorrow morning! Its time for some fudge and Zulu! "Don't you, point that bloody spear, at me!"

Jon Deller: Company Man.

That's not strictly true of course, because importantly the GSCC is not in fact a company but an organisation. An arms length body of the government that is effectively apart of the department of health. (Or a QANGO if your down with the terminology.)After 6 long months of unemployment how am i finding the transition into the work of full time employ. Pretty easy actually. Yes i miss the huge amount of time to do my own thing that not having a job had and yes i do have to get up earlier in the morning, but you know what? Work really isn't that bad. Once you get to know it anyway. The first to days were by far the hardest though that was mainly down to the fairly complex computer system i am now relatively competent at using and the sheer volume of procedural documentation i had to read through. So what is it i do exactly? I hold the very exciting title of "Registration Assistant" and basically means that when someone on the Social Care Register (its a register of social carers in case the title didn't give that away), changes their name, martial status, address, work place, job, qualifications, favourite colour or dies than i am the mug that has to go onto the computer system and update their entry with said information. It also means that i have access to and huge amount of people's personal information the practical upshot of which is the i know my cousin Al's ex's middle names. If i were to become an identity thief i would be an extremely good one!

The pay is good for starters, as are the prospects, the pension and the holiday. GSCC employees get 5 "privilege days" which basically means 5 extra days paid holiday on top of what we already get and bank holidays. What is really good however is that i get 4 weeks paid sick leave and i will tell you why that is good in the next paragraph after i have finished talking about my new job. Apparently i am learning the system very quickly which pleases my line manager no end, however what i thought was the best result of my first week on the job was that i got to use the BIG shredder on Friday and it was gooood!

So why is all that sick pay an especially good thing? Because on the 10th July i will be going in for surgery to remove my tonsils. The waiting list was apparently not that long! It'll take me about 2 or 3 weeks to recover from, depending on how much of a wuss i am and be back at work so the fact that i'll be being paid over this time is fantastic!

I know its a long time to wait for a very average posting. At least i have a valid excuse now though! I'm busy working!

Next week: Jonbar attends "Staff Day" in London.
(Well technically it was this week, but i'm working a week behind at the moment.)

Finishing the Fight.

In the run up to my last week where i can still genuinely put "unemployed" as my status on Facebook, i.e: the weekend, i was graced by a visit from Jay. Apparently he's getting a bit of time off next week as well due to an up and coming exercise down in the Falklands. (Was i supposed to mention that or is it a national secret?) Anyway, as he is the only person with access to the current generation of games consoles (bar the PS3) that i see on anything like a regular basis, his visits mostly comprise of us trying out some games. This weekend i finally got to grips with Halo 3, had another decent bash at Wii Sports and had a quick look at both Army of Two and Wii Fit.

HALO 3

Possibly the biggest launch of any game, Halo 3 also had the biggest hype surrounding it in the history of gaming. I throughly enjoyed the trailers for it, especially the live action ones, (which can be viewed here: www.halo.msn.com), however after being slightly disappointed with Halo 2 i really wasn't sure what to expect from Halo 3. The Zero Punctuation review (find it yourself) only added to my doubts.

So when i finally got around to playing Halo 3 itself what did i find. Well the graphics have been improved upon from the second installment but that is a moot point when it comes to anything released on the PS3 or the x-box 360 as everything i have seen has been damn pretty. Loading times are vastly improved as well, but then i play Battlefield 2 quite a lot on my PC and connecting to servers on that is like sitting through an advert break without the adverts, so anything seems quick by comparison. But what about the actual game? Well there are several things i like, first is there seem to be more friendlies and enemies running about on this outing, obviously the Covenant and the UNSC both though they'd better commit more than a handful of soldiers at this end point in the conflict. However Covenant forces seem to have lost their edge. Let me explain, in the second game one of the alien species that make up the coalition of races of the Covenant (who call themselves the "Elites", how modest of them), got bored of being portrayed as two dimensional evil characters and decided they wanted to join the good guys team. They were the generally stronger and faster than most of the other Covenant forces you encountered in the Halo games. They were smarter too. Their place has been filled by the "Brutes", which as the name suggests are big, strong and tough but generally slow and not that clever. The other races making up the Covenant, bar the massive blue hedgehog monstrosities that like to tip over tanks and eat grenades for fun, seem to be there solely to get under the feet of everybody else.


One of the biggest pluses of this game over the last one is that they've made the vehicles able to soak up a bit more damage than they used to. (In the first game they made the drivable vehicles indestructible, in the second they made them blow up if people sneezed at them.) In fact the driving sections are the most enjoyable bit of the game, especially if you played it like i did in two player co-op mode. This is because you can roll out in whatever vehicles there are available (typically jeeps), crew them up with friendly troopers and generally cause havoc convoy style! Heading an armoured column is also fantastic, "tanks beat everything!" The flying sections aren't that great on this outing and although the inclusion of an ATV type vehicle is a fun addition, in practice you end up wishing you were driving in a Warthog Jeep (the greatest video game vehicle of all time) instead. Another annoyance is the occasionally confusing level design, especially in the worst parts of the game, the Flood levels. I have never been a massive fan of the Flood (a sort of weird hybrid of zombies and the face huggers of the Aliens movies). In both the first and second games the Flood bits were more of an annoying chore than apart of the fun and although the equivalent levels were generally better in this game they were still a bit "meh". Especially after getting lost in them for the 20th time because every infected rotting flesh coated corridor looks the same as any other.

All the old weapons are back, including the old assault rifle from the first game. However for some reason they've decided to cut the old 60 round magazines in half and limit you to a 32 round clip. It's a minor annoyance, but it does make you reload twice as much as you used to which can get a bit trying a times. The shot gun seems to also have suffered from these military cut backs and will now hold 6 rounds as opposed to 8. The addition of portable "power ups" such as the bubble shield, land mines and energy shields are fairly entertaining however there were hardly any times me or Jason actually used the things. The new brute grenade is rather good and the new flame thrower is horrifyingly effective. You can also rip machine gun turrets off their fixed tripods now This is fun the first couple of times but it slows you down a lot and you end up dropping the thing out of sheer boredom when traveling from A to B. The best weapon by far is a huge hammer full of energy powered killing goodness. However you only get very limited ammo for the thing (good job real hammers don't have "ammo" other wise i'd never have finished putting up those shelves in the attic) and the only way to replenish it is by replacing it with another one taken from a fallen enemy. It seems that alien B&Q either charge far too much for them or have only very limited stock as only a handful of your enemies are found carrying one. Its a minor quibble but finding the odd replacement battery for the thing would have been nice and added greatly to the fun. (When i say fun i mean accidentally on purpose smacking Jason in the face with it. "Jon that thing is an area affect weapon!" is now one of Jason's catch phrases.)

The overall pattern of the Halo games should really be commented on. For some reason each and every game is just about the same as the last one. The levels go (in all 3 games): Opening "under siege" level, sneaky sniping level, driving section with some bits on foot level, tank level, Flood Level, Run for it/ Drive for it! level - End. It would have been nice for the designers to stray from their tried and tested formula for a change as you do at times end up looking at the screen and thinking "i did this bit in the last game already!"

What was excellent and earns Halo 3 points over its forebears, was that instead of two identical characters being used in two player co-op mode they finally got around to having the second player playing as an actual character rather than an unexplained and cut scene none featuring clone of the first players character. Player 2's character is one of those ex-Covenant "we're good guys now" Elite aliens called The Arbiter. He's likable enough i suppose and the cooperation between an alien and a human who had previously been trying to kill each other is a great message for the kids and a refreshing change from the xenophobia that seems to proliferate video games. (Go on IMDB and have a look at who did the voice acting in this game, you'll be quite impressed! - Apparently the guys at Bungie are massive Firefly fans.)

So all in all Halo 3 isn't a bad game, it has a lot going for it, however it doesn't live up to the hype. You don't get to play any of the bits that the trailers showed and rather being the final battle for Earth you end up spending most of your time on yet another Halo (a massive ring shaped space station from which the games series takes its name) or on a big 6 sided star thing called the "Ark". (It builds Halos apparently.) The great big thing in the advert turns out to be just big portal creating thingy.

(*SPOILER ALERT!*) Oh and the Master Chief (The games main character) doesn't die. Check the post credits video after completing it on legendary mode. (So what was that advert all about then?) Looks like we can at some time expect a Halo 4.
I just noticed i got through i review of a Halo game and only mentioned the Master Chief twice! That much be some sort of record!

Wii Sports & Wii Fit.
(I think i've done Wii Sports before but i like it so i'm going to write about it again damn it!)

Who came up with the name "Wii" anyway? Does have a meaning in Japanese or something? However despite its stupid name and the consoles on paper utter shite'ness when compared to the graphical behemoths the 360 and Ps3, the Wii has turned out to best the most flat out fun of the three. Wii sports is great. You can play tennis, bowling , boxing (knackering), golf (the best one in my opinion) or baseball (that rounders to all us none US types). All of them are fun and fairly easy to get the hand of. Apart for the baseball for me. Apparently even Jay's little sister Alice can hit the ball for a home run easily , where as i can't even score a point. In fact Wii sports would swing a purchase out of me if i had the spare cash. I was also able to have a quick go on Wii fit. It looks, interesting... Me and Jason went for a virtual jog, however about half way in i worked out the instead of running of the spot i could just wave the Wii controller up and down and achieve the same on screen results, which is probably exploiting the game a bit but the day i get fit playing video games is the day i get a job and do something with my life! (Which is this coming Monday if anyone is interested!) One main thing to consider to all the neigh sayers of Wii Fit is that the exercises are actually quite tough, and i quote:

Jon: "So is that Wii Fit thing any good?"

Jay: "The push ups exercise made me cry."

The push up exercise made a fully fit member of the British army cry! DEAR GOD! I think that ends the arguments right there. Obliviously the department of health should provide them for every home in an effort to get us all fit and healthy for when a resurgent Russia tries to invade.

(And finally.) Army Of Two.

So a games developer has finally latched on the the fact the most people (not me i'm all alone these days...), have at least one friend and that we enjoy playing games with two player cooperation modes in them. Thus we have army of two. It looks, as Jason and Kennon were playing it while i cheered on from the side lines, like a fairly standard first person shooter. The game is about two mercenaries making money out of the war on terror and generally killing people. You can "bling out" your gun which is just as entertainingly vulgar as you might think it is and the main characters do seem a little fond of sharing a parachute. Which they do at every given opportunity. However i cant comment any more about it as i haven't actually player it myself, although i will say that the watching Kennon desperately trying to fight off suicide bombers while Jason helpfully lobbed in a grenade or two was very entertaining to watch.

Next week: My First Day & Colchester Summer Ball.

News.

I really have to stop promising you guys things. However i'm not really in the right kind of "mood" to write about Battlefield 2 or Woman's Hour. Even after riding my all time blogging high after getting feedback from literally three people about how much they liked my previous post. So this week so your going to have to settle for this News round up from the past week. So in the headlines this morning....

DONG!

I start work on the 9th of June, ending my reign of sitting around and sponging off the state.

DONG!

It'll be great to have some money for a change but damn it, why did i have loads of free time when no one was around and now that people are coming back i'll be busy working?!

DONG!

Clare was here most of this week which is always nice.

DONG!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, despite having one of the worst titles in cinema history is fantastic! Anyone how says that it is a bit too far fetched should look back on the subject matter of the 3 previous films and then realise just how stupid their statement is.

And now the weather.
Scattered showers followed by patchy sunshine is a weather man phrase that basically means; "it could rain, or it might be sunny, or it could just be cloudy." Anyone wanting you no what the "feels like factor" is on that should take a jump.

And finally.
http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/home.php
Red vs Blue have a new preview video up on their site for their up and coming series.

And thats your lot.
You'd think after months of complaining about being unemployed i'd make a bigger deal out of starting work but there you go. I guess the overall feel of the blog will switch from "oh god i'm bored and lonely" to "oh god i'm bored and underpaid". Swings and round-abouts!

Jonbar's Survival Guides: Leaving University.

This is the first in what i hope to be a series of survival guides featuring on this blog.

Our subject matter for today: How to survive leaving university.

First of all, congratulations! You've made it through at least three years of exams, assignments, heavy drinking and building up a sleep debt you may never be able to recover from. Most of you will also have built up a rather sizable monetary debt as well. But what now? You never planned for this (and if you did, your a freak). With my ten steps your lack of forward thinking probably wont hurt quite as much.

Step 1.
Ever thought about doing an MA? Better still go for a PhD. The outside world sucks just as much as it ever did and by doing these you'll gain years of extra time in wonderland. If you stick at it enough you'll quite literally never have to leave university as you'll have become a member of the teaching staff!

Step 2.
Prepare yourself for a lot of goodbyes. You will no doubt have added a lot of people to your friends list on Facebook. Some of these aren't really friends, you just met them once in a bar and added them to look popular. However you will by now have a large number of people that you at least know or might even call your: BFFs, buddies, honchos, pals, companions, peps, doggs (or dawgs), brotherz or even mates. Take a good look at them because without quite a lot of effort you'll lose regular contact over the next few years with at least half of them. You might quite literally never see some of them again. Some of them no doubt are along with you for the duration. Don't fret, this is a natural vetting of your real social network. (As opposed to your "virtual" social network.) Keeping in contact isn't as hard as it used to be, however keeping up regular meet ups will be and requires quite a bit of effort from all parties.

Step 3.
Don't be ashamed of going back home. Housing is expensive, as is renting and if you have the option heading back home for a while so that you have the opportunity to rebuild your finances a bit so much the better. But remember, things will have changed a bit in your absence. Old school friends might not be around as much as before, if at all. The pace of living is also different along with the social life. An important note at this point is a lot of people are very sniffy about people that head back home after university this can generally be put down two factors in their own lives rather than yours: 1) They didn't have a great home life before hand Or 2) They have far to much money for someone their age and doesn't understand why everyone else doesn't have comparable wealth.

Step 4.
Begin the job hunt! If your not royalty or doing a MA and or a PhD then there is no longer any real excuse. Your going to have to get a proper job. Start with the national press, then the local press, then the internet and then the job centre. Some good webs its are:
www.jobsgopublic.com
www.monster.co.uk
www.gradjobs.co.uk
www.insidecareers.co.uk
www.milkround.co.uk
http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/

Those should get you started. However beware that there are quite literally hundreds of thousands of job sites spread across the internet and not all of these are really that helpful. You'll generally have better luck by using the newspapers. The search facilities at your local job center are also pretty good and worth a look.

Step 4.
Enjoy, if you haven't already, your final weeks and days a university. Do the things you've been putting off until now because you might not get another chance to do them.

Step 5.
It is time to get out that hoover! Don't give your land lord (or lady) any reason to skim more than she's entitled to off your deposit. By the way, the dark stuff that has been growing on the bathroom walls and ceiling will come off. Your just not putting your back into it!

Step 6.
Clear out the fridge and freezer! If you lucky you'll have enough food to last you until you finally leave. It is amazing what you can find half buried in the permafrost! If there are items gathering mold but not an owner, chuck 'um!

Step 7.
If you can't take it with you, sell it to the next lot of people moving in. There is no point giving them things for free. Also, if you want to make back part of that deposit your land lord (or lady) stole from you, sell the next lot a load of the items that came with the property!

Step 8.
Change your online delivery and address details. Also, you cant run from credit card companies or the courts so don't try the cheap trick of moving and leaving the next bunch to deal with your debtors because they will pass them along to you. (Forwarding addresses or no, you are not that hard to track down.)

Step 9.
Repeat steps 5 and 6 because i know you didn't do a good enough job the first time round!
*And* Make sure everyone gives you back those DvDs etc.. you loaned them. The same goes for you, give them their stuff back!

Step 10.
DONT' PANIC! It'll been fine, you'll see.


Next week: Battlefield 2.